Ride Unicorns to Work Day

So I went from long, wild, curly hair to a boy cut and I...

Sat, 18 May 2013 02:21:56 +0800

So I went from long, wild, curly hair to a boy cut and I don’t even have a special reason. Sue me. I woke up wanting to cut all my hair so I did. As they say, carpe diem (or YOLO, depends on who you are).

Grown Up Report #9: Quarter Life

Sat, 18 May 2013 02:03:00 +0800

Before you read this potentially depressing post, look at this picture of a beautiful flower. There is hope. Even in the sidewalks.

There are many times when I feel like I have run out of things to write about, not just in this blog but even in my journal. So much is happening and so little of it makes sense. It’s hard to put it on pen and paper (or in keyboard and blog).

I take comfort in the fact that I know that I am not the only one going through my early twenties. There are hordes of us who, in the wise words of Ms. Swift, are happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time; miserable and magical. True enough, I feel just that way these past few months.

Nothing in life could have prepared me to this phase and I do hope that it is just a phase. Let me enumerate my woes.

The decisions I make today have a far greater impact than the decisions I made when I was in college.
Following my passion and paying the bills are not the easiest things to do together. I don’t regret it though.
So many changes are taking place in and around me. Parents age, friends drift away, relationships get entangled and complicated. I read somewhere that some relationships don’t survive the twenties. I find myself taking a step back to watch and to marvel at the people in my life. I try my best not to build my walls too high.
I don’t always like what I learn about myself. There is so much doubt and discovery that comes along the way. Not all of it is pretty.
I find my heart misbehaving. Feeling feelings. Hoping hopes. Loving too few, too deeply.

What comforts me is knowing that the Lord is working on me and that there is hope. I just wish that I come out of this a better person prepared to what is in stored for me next.

Help me out and tell me I am not the only one who feels this way.

My Long Overdue Thoughts on Sa Wakas the Musical

Thu, 16 May 2013 16:11:33 +0800

Let’s write in this blog, shall we?

I never felt like a proper fan of any band or artist. I never go to gigs but give me a free show in my university grounds and I will shout my lungs out and sing along with all the songs. This is my relationship with Sugarfree. I love their songs, grew up with them, fell in and out of love with them. When I heard there was a musical, I knew I had to watch. Going out of my way to purchase a 500 peso ticket and travel to Manila from Laguna was a big thing for my Sugarfree fangirling. Or so I thought.

I was never a fan of musicals. I find it a little tacky but thinking about Sugarfree songs, all the raw emotion and poetic dialogue in Filipino woven into a great narrative was too great an opportunity to pass.

I was really psyched to see it but was deeply disappointed.

The singing was actually good and in some moments, extraordinary. I think hearing Sugarfree in a male-female harmony really puts the songs in a different, more romantic light. I finally understood fully what the song Burnout meant and what it looked like.Being a sucker for duos, I really loved that. I also liked the original song they wrote, Bawat Daan.

What I didn’t like is the plot itself. The writing, in my opinion, was really awful. Sugarfree songs are gems. They burst of unique and genuine stories that are well written. They are songs of a well lived, well loved life. In my mind, these songs deserved a rich story to accompany them or if rich is unattainable, a genuine one at the least.

I did not expect to watch a typical “kabit” story—nothing out of the ordinary, thin, and incomplete. The characters were one dimensional and annoying. The choice of characters were out of touch and unrelatable to someone like me who listened to Sugarfree’s music for years.

I think the writers gave it a long shot and wrote in characters for the quirky, hipster crowd—a photographer, a magazine writer, and a neurologist. And I must say that they failed to deliver anything remotely worth telling about these characters. Their story of infidelity and falling out of love could have been anyone’s tale but that didn’t help the story to touch into my experiences.

What left me baffled is how the story managed to alienate despite the fact that the songs they used managed to do the the exact opposite.

I also think that the people behind the musical was too eager to please the fans. They crammed as many songs as they can in the play without giving them justice in the story.

I still have high hopes in these OPM musical attempts. I know some good musical will come along eventually. I hope it’s another one for Sugarfree.

Photos by Patti Bunda (the awesome)

This summer, my friends Christer, Waysi, Michelle, and Christine...

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 12:37:18 +0800

This summer, my friends Christer, Waysi, Michelle, and Christine are in Davao for a month-long camp. To cover their camp and travel expenses, we are selling 50 peso button pins with original designs and photography by Christer and I!

Message me if you want to get some.

Faith, the dog owner

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 09:21:56 +0800

I grew up disliking dogs. I don’t like their temperament, their smell, their playfulness, etc. People question me when they discover this about me. One friend asked me, “How can you be pleasant and not like dogs? Why are we even friends?”

And then the day came that I needed a dog. See the word I used there? Needed not wanted. I needed a dog because the boys living in the house above us are moving out and we need extra protection so I got myself a dog. I figured our fish will be helpless in the case of burglary.

Now, here I am, the kind of person who constantly post pictures of her dog in Instagram (along with flowers and Thai food).

Internet, meet Easter. Isn’t he the cutest? Maybe he’s not. But he’s cute, right? You don’t have to answer that.

I named him Easter because I got him Easter Sunday and since then, he gained a few pounds and learned to eat puppy food. Since a lot of people go to our house, he became friendly and licks everyone’s hand, not so good for a future guard dog. He is quiet and independent. And yes, in case you’re wondering, I love already love him though I was very reluctant at first.

Maybe I learned an important life lesson here. I gave a dog a chance and ended up loving. Maybe I should try it with other things too and maybe with people.

Adventure with Friends: Small Time Travelers

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 00:55:00 +0800

Ahoy! I am on a roll tonight. The map above shows the route that Eu and I traveled last Thursday. I have no idea who started it but Holy Week is usually reserved for vacationing.

I have been residing in Laguna for the past five years. It started when I was a freshman in college. I know almost nothing about Laguna except for Los Banos, where I live and Calamba, where the malls are. I rarely travel to other towns and cities in the province. This fact is what inspired Eu and I to explore Laguna.

From LB, we traveled to San Pablo via jeep for a little over an hour. We wanted to visit the cold water springs to beat the summer heat. After another 30 minute jeep ride, we arrived at Bato Springs Resort, still in San Pablo City.

We arrived early in the place and since it was Holy Week, there were a lot of people. The place was really nice with trees that serve as shade to the main cold springs. There were man-made mini waterfalls that give good back massages. Entrance fee was really cheap at 80 pesos. The place was also very easy to find since the locals are familiar to it. We enjoyed a few hours of bathing in the cold springs and left when the resort started filling up at about 11am. We brought our own food as evidenced by the Jollibee package that Eu was holding since there are no stores inside the resort that serve lunch. The walk from the main road to the resort is also very pleasant.

From San Pablo, we traveled to Liliw, again via jeep. Liliw is the shoe capital of Laguna. I wanted to do two things there: 1) shop for shoes, which I was successful with and brought home 250 peso espadrilles and 2) visit the brick church of Liliw. Shoes in Liliw are unbelievably cheap and, if we are to believe the locals, well-made. I was looking forward to buy some local shoes to show my students.

The brick church in Liliw was part of the Visita Iglesia and was packed with a lot of people so I just opted to admire its architecture and beauty from the outside. There were also a couple of old timey houses in the area.

From Liliw, we took another jeep to Sta. Cruz where we took a bus to take us back to Los Banos.

Eu and I have been talking about this small time travelers concept. I like the idea of traveling to places that are just a few jeep and bus rides away. So I will be doing this for now. I want to explore more of Laguna—Paete, Pagsanjan, Nagcarlan—and the nearby provinces like Batangas, Quezon, and maybe even Bicol.

P.S. Can you tell how much I love Instagram? Join me there. It’s fatunicornfaith.

A few weeks ago, my film to CD transfers arrived. All of these...

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 23:37:00 +0800

The Weepies in vinyl <3

Christer and his record player

Cubao, Quezon City

Moises Padilla, Negros Occidental

Iba, Zambales

Rizal Park, Metro Manila

A few weeks ago, my film to CD transfers arrived. All of these photos were taken in 2012. These are some of the few decent photos from the four rolls of film I sent to Digiprint. Analog photography is exciting. In my case, I never had an idea what my photos would look like. A lot of frames are underexposed. I think I need to use film with higher ISO next time.

(L-R: Philippine Flag, Rizal Park; The Weepies on Vinyl; Christer and his record player; Cubao, Quezon City; Moises Padilla, Negros Occidental; Iba, Zambales; Rizal Monument, Manila; Ate Mich and I in church; Birthday Friends at Ali Mall)

Ok, here goes my first real teacher post.

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 23:12:00 +0800

To say that I love teaching is an understatement. I am head over heels with it. Quitting my city job to teach in a small school in a small town may be one of the best decisions I made so far in life. There are no dull days.

I realized very quickly that teaching is something that I cannot do half-heartedly. It requires so much investment. It is not something that I can do without love. Which was never a problem because falling in love with children is not difficult at all. Maybe because of notes like this.

When I see my students, I see so much good in the world. I love reading their answers to essay questions and looking at their drawings. I really love discussing to them the hows and whys not just the whats and whens. In my classes are really smart children and I am learning to work my hardest not to shortchange them of anything may it be love or fun or learning.

Teaching made me feel that I have finally found my place under the sun, no matter how cheesy that sounds. I am a believer of the Holstee Manifesto especially the line that says, “If you’re looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love.” So here I am, doing the one thing that I really love.

Finding my place is part of God’s goodness and grace. John Piper, in his book Don’t Waste Your Life, wrote that, “Whatever you do, find the God-centered, Christ-exalting, Bible-saturated passion of your life, and find your way to say it and live for it and die for it. And you will make a difference that lasts. You will not waste your life.” It is true that God honors the passions He places in the hearts of those He loves. And in these passions are satisfactions that lead back to the Maker.

The school year ended two weeks ago. My first graders will move up to Grade 2. I miss them already.

Grown-Up Report #8: Adulthood and Pets

Sat, 30 Mar 2013 22:23:11 +0800

Hello there, it has been a long while since I updated anything on this blog. I really felt like I needed to break in slowly to my new life. It requires a new narrative, and a new way of telling stories. I have so many stories about my students and my new school life but I struggled with looking for the right way to tell these stories. So before that, let me make a Grown-Up Report first.

Going back to Los Banos basically meant going back to the comfort of small town living. I work in a place two minutes away from my house by foot. I share a house with five other wonderful ladies that allowed me simple freedoms like cooking meals and taking care of pets.

So there, Jessa and I bought a fish bowl and filled it with 12 fishes we named after our favorite guy friends. Also, we have transient fishes which I think Christer owns.

Having pets is my sort-of thing right now. Tomorrow, I will be picking up a puppy a friend is giving out. We need a dog in the house. I hate dogs but I think I need to give them a chance. By the way, I am naming my dog Mr. Easter. Also, I am getting a goldfish on Monday.

Since Flubsy (my bunny) died, I had a hard time connecting with other animals. I am now slowly starting to understand the comfort and joy of owning pets. It makes me feel more grown-up to actually be responsible for the well being of other living creatures, to ensure that they are fed, comfortable, and happy. I think my mothering instincts are getting the best of me.

Sorry

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 23:28:24 +0800

I have failed as a blogger. Mainly because I lost the drive to share to the blog world my thoughts and experiences.

I will get by and I will write again. I just need time to breathe (the fresh air in my small university town). Until then, here is what my day sort-of sounds like.

The lesson for the day was counting in Filipino (isa hanggang dalawampu).

Student doing exercises: Teacher! Twelve!
Me: Ok. What is twelve in Filipino
(after a long pause)
Student: Labing-two?

So there. My students are adorable and I love them to bits. I worry these days because it’s almost summer and I will not see them in two solid months.

How about you? How are you?

Today

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 02:16:51 +0800

It’s 2 in the morning so technically, I’m writing about yesterday.

I had my exit interview at work and in retrospect, I really did enjoy my stay in an international NGO with all the ups and downs of it. In my eight months, I learned so much and most importantly, I realized how much I want to teach because of my experience of working with children. I learned so much about the Lord, myself, and children.

A co-worker/college friend treated me to a send-off dinner and my heart just swelled. I am a heap of emotion (in my standards) right now. I will miss a lot of people and things just as much as I am excited to come home to my town and start my new job. Change is really stressful because for the first time in a long time, I had a breakout. It seems like my skin felt the stress before I did. To release some stress, I drew.

My room is a mess right now. I have been packing my things and once again putting my life into bags. I feel a lot nostalgic and a little sad. I underestimated my ability to love and come into terms with life in the city and most especially, the people in the city. So much will be missed but I think I am ready.

50 Books for 2013: What I Talk About When I Talk About Running (Haruki Murakami)

Thu, 17 Jan 2013 18:23:07 +0800

I had this ambiguous goal at the start of the year to write about all the books that I read this year. The goal is 50. I finished one and now, to write about it.

I attempted to start the year with To Kill A Mockingbird because I can’t understand how I am 22 and have not read that book yet. I tried but my desire to read Haruki Murakami’s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running was too strong. I reserved one of the last two copies in Fully Booked Gateway and picked up my book before I headed to my impromptu Bataan weekend with the De Silvas.

It has something to do with my unspoken rule of reading bought books (which are not on sale or second hand) immediately before I lose the excitement of doing so. That says something about my need to justify my unplanned expenses.

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running is a memoir of Murakami’s running life. The book covers Murakami’s four month preparation for the New York Marathon. He writes about his running history and shares tidbits of his life like his jazz bar, his love for music, and most importantly (for me), his writing process. I really wanted to know what goes behind Murakami’s odd world of story telling.

I bought this book for two main reasons: 1) I want to be healthier this year and 2) I want to start writing seriously again. These are my sort-of New Year’s Resolutions. I decided to write again because 22 is too young to quit on anything. Murakami started writing at 33 after watching a baseball game and look where he is now.

In order to do something unhealthy (like writing), one must be healthy. What I like so much about this book is it showed a sober, non-mythical writer. The lives of so many famous writers taught us that to be able to do this craft, one must live dangerously. In some cases, others even killed themselves. Not so with Murakami, in this memoir he wrote about endurance and discipline and insisted that no artist can live forever in talent alone. One must know how to go around talent and actually develop skills.

I appreciate Murakami’s connection with the physical body in a literal sense. He stopped smoking and eating unhealthy food because according him, in order to write as long as he wants to, he needs not only the brain for it but also the body. I couldn’t agree more. You can read more about Murakami’s running in this Runner’s World article.

Did this book inspire me to run? Not exactly. I hate running with a passion. I couldn’t really stand it. But since I am moving back to LB and saying good bye to my gym subscription, I need an alternative to it so maybe I will try running again. Or maybe I can just look for another Zumba class and avoid running altogether.

Teacher Faith

Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:10:48 +0800

I have written a handful of posts these past few days. I didn’t put them in the blog because it feels like they need some sorting out. I wrote about the first book I finished reading this year, Haruki Murakami’s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running. I also did an Ukay-Ukay FAQ because a lot of people has been asking me about this these days. But they didn’t feel right. Maybe because my good news has to be shared first.

Last week has been one of the most delightfully surprising weeks of my life. Monday last week, I was still feeling a little tired having spent the weekend in Bataan. It was an ordinary day in the office: e-mails to answer, reports to write, ideas to turn into real things. I received a text message asking if I was available for an interview in LB from a school I sent my application to last December. I asked my boss for a leave, she gave me one without asking questions. Tuesday, I went to the interview and got the job. Wednesday, I filed my resignation. It was swift. Everything fell into place.

I have been praying for a leap to teacherdom. I knew in my heart that teaching kids is what I wanted to do. It is my passion. I had no idea how to do it but apparently the Lord knew exactly how. I was caught off guard when God answered my prayer because I never thought that He would. In this experience, I was reminded that the God that I pray to is a God who is able to answer prayers in ways beyond my imagination, in a completely different timeline, in the most perfect of ways. He has walked before me in this path to teacherdom. I am very excited and very scared but fear is futile. And He is the God who gives His blessings completely. God is not a kuripot God (thankfully, He isn’t like me).

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. (Romans 3:20)

Starting this 28th, I will be Teacher Faith of arts and crafts. Much of my bulk is teaching Art but I would also be teaching Filipino, Sibika, and History.

P.S. Sorry for the post sans photos. No decent camera, no decent pictures.

Books Before Boys

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 20:56:00 +0800

Can we just forget about my absence last December and move on to the better promise of 2013? Yes? (But I’m going to blog about fragments of December once I get a hold of the pictures I took with my Fisheye and about the birthday project I did.)

Let me bore you at the start of the year with my initial reading list. I have drafted for myself an initial reading list that I wish to finish by May or April, just before classes starts. Since I have been praying for a while for my jumpship to teacherdom, I figured that the best literature teacher is a well-read one. I am trying to console myself that what I lack on formal training, I make up for being well read.

In the past, I have read a lot of classics and children’s classics which more often than not, I enjoy so much. So here is my list:

To Kill a Mockingbird
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Final Battle
Mere Christianity
Alice in Wonderland
Pride and Prejudice
Woman with Two Navels (Nick Joaquin)
The Diary of an Frank
(A re-reading of) The Catcher in the Rye

Also, I am eyeing these books for this year:

Lois Lowry’s The Son
C.S. Lewis’ Till We Have Faces
Haruki Murakami’s What I Talk About When I Talk About Running

———

As I was contemplating in the shower earlier today, I thought about how to be an effective reading/literature teacher to impressionable 12-year olds. If I get them to stop reading Twilight, John Green, or 50 Shades of Gray, would that make me a good teacher? Reading this Brain Pickings article on fiction vs. reality, C.S. Lewis expressed my thoughts clearly:

No one can deceive you unless he makes you think he is telling the truth. The unblushingly romantic has far less power to deceive than the apparently realistic. Admitted fantasy is precisely the kind of Literature which never deceives at all. Children are not deceived by fairy-tales; they are often and gravely deceived by school-stories*. Adults are not deceived by science-fiction; they can be deceived by the stories in the women’s magazines. None of us are deceived by the Odyssey, the Kalevala, Beowulf, or Malory. The real danger lurks in sober-faced novels where all appears to be very probable but all is in fact contrived to put across some social or ethical or religious or anti-religious ‘comment on life’ … To be sure, no novel will deceive the best type of reader. He never mistakes art either for life or for philosophy. He can enter, while he reads, into each author’s point of view without either accepting or rejecting it, suspending when necessary his disbelief and (what is harder) his belief.

That is exactly what I aspire for if ever I will be a given a chance to teach kids, to produce the best types of readers who can discern from fantasy and reality, suspend (dis)belief, and know how to apply literature to life—to know how to milk the best and even the worst kind of books.

Happy new year, everyone! Any 2013 plans?

Grown-Up Report #7: Writing, Creativity, and Not Going Insane

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 19:00:06 +0800

My writing process is no different than a video game these days. I have to defeat little enemies by silencing tiny urges. I write blog posts (just like this one), emails to friends, and journal entries, hoping that at the end of the day, I will be able to finish my writing assignment. There are days that this process works seamlessly but there are those dark times when I have three badly written sentences at six in the evening.

I write letters for a living. Letters that are sent out to people hoping that they will respond and help a child in poverty. I write for fundraising. Just recently, I came to the admission that I am somewhat ashamed by the writing that I do. Not of its nature (aka the helping of children) but of the fact that this is what I allowed myself to do—that I succumbed to the fear of trying something bigger and riskier because I hate failing. I can’t do things that I am not good at. My shame melts away when I remind myself that I am doing something to kill this fear. That slowly, one step at a time, I allow myself to try doing things that I am not good at, to show my art to people, to learn new things.

The Internet gave me access to all these great creative people who are so excellent on their fields, who are young like me, and who seem to have their lives and careers all put together. In a way this gives me something to look forward to but it also intensifies the fear that maybe I am wasting my time. I am sitting on a desk trying to write and design letters for fundraising, I am not exactly changing the world, am I?

It is a challenge to relax and admit that figuring things out is a crucial part of life and that I am blessed to have the opportunity to explore my options with no real risks involved, no family to feed, no pressure to suck it up to earn much needed money. There is nothing wrong about being ambitious but putting myself in an impossible timeline would not help anyone. It would just drive me insane and miserable. I am now learning to cut myself some slack. It is ok not to have a working plan of life just as long as I know I am doing something everyday to make life happen. Giving up is not an option.

How do we fall in love?

Thu, 22 Nov 2012 10:00:07 +0800

You don’t fall in love like you fall in a hole. You fall like falling through space. It’s like you jump off your own private planet to visit someone else’s planet. And when you get there it all looks different: the flowers, the animals, the colours people wear. It is a big surprise falling in love because you thought you had everything just right on your own planet, and that was true, in a way, but then somebody signalled to you across space and the only way you could visit was to take a giant jump. Away you go, falling into someone else’s orbit and after a while you might decide to pull your two planets together and call it home. And you can bring your dog. Or your cat. Your goldfish, hamster, collection of stones, all your odd socks. (The ones you lost, including the holes, are on the new planet you found.)

And you can bring your friends to visit. And read your favourite stories to each other. And the falling was really the big jump that you had to make to be with someone you don’t want to be without. That’s it.

PS You have to be brave.

-Jeanette Winterson, Big Questions from Little People & Simple Answers from Great Minds

I got this simple yet beautiful passage from this Brain Pickings article.

How We Love by Ingrid Michaelson on Grooveshark

The Birthday Wishlist

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 18:28:00 +0800

I have this terrible tradition of showing the public my birthday wishlist. I will continue this terrible tradition. You don’t have to give it any thought. I will just probably buy myself these things one by one in the next few months. Universe, accept my list!

1 Prang Washable Metallic Watercolor | 2 Nude Colored Heels (this one is from Payless) | 3 Vintage Gold Casio Watch | 4 Son by Lois Lowry | 5 Knee-high Socks and Stockings

2013 Planner + Jessica Hische

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 18:13:00 +0800

I had the year end dilemma of planner choosing. For 2012, I used Moonleaf’s planner because I loved the simple look ang the customizable cover. Which in my case, I painted with the cosmos (then entered to a contest and won another planner; it’s weird, I know). My biggest problem with this planner is that it doesn’t have a monthly view.

My initial plan for 2013 was to buy a cheap planner, the kind with a plastic cover and is as generic as generic could be and just plaster self-made stickers on it to add personality. That seemed like a good plan until I checked this list by Spot.ph and saw this planner.

The vintage typography and bright red and blue colors made me instantly fall in love with this planner. When I Googled about it, I learned that Jessica Hische, the woman behind Moonrise Kingdom’s typography and this website, designed it and I knew that I had to buy it.

I have a huge designer crush with Jessica Hische. I love her work so much. She inspired me to learn to draw letters and maybe some Adobe Illustrator this 2013.

Things I Worked on Lately

Wed, 21 Nov 2012 00:18:12 +0800

Lately, I have enjoyed watercolor painting a lot. I think this is the medium I am most comfortable with. I am still using a cheap set I bought in National Bookstore, an 18 color palette for 80 something pesos. It’s adequate.

So here are some of the things that I have spawned lately. My friend, Ruth who blogs at Constant Lemons asked me to redesign her blog. I was on board right away because I really wanted to paint some lemons. So I went all out—lemon, lemon half, lemon flower, lemon leaf, even its scientific name. See how committed I am? Since Ruth is studying Biology, I also threw in that word in the mix. Now if I could only find the time to code.

I love painting galaxies. I think the cosmos, stars, heavenly bodies, constellations and the like are some of the most visually satisfying creations of God. They are so beautiful. I may not give them justice in my paintings but making these make me happy. It helps me contemplate on the beauty of my God and His eternal ability to make things beautiful. Which reminds me of my favorite Gungor song.

This was inspired by the Beatles song that I first heard from Glee. Also, because the letter H is one of the prettiest letters when written in calligraphy. I am now trying my hand in calligraphy. I bought a cheap calligraphy pen because I can’t commit to nibs and ink just yet. It’s a little frustrating because I can’t find a decent tutorial online and because I keep on looking at the amazing work that people do with their pens. I especially love Oana Befort’s work. It’s so dainty!

A wise ate (who is now my housemate) once told me that it is always good to do things that make your soul happy and alive. I have found so much soul happiness in doing painting and calligraphy. I would like to give the same advise to you.

Grown-Up Report #6: Turning 22

Mon, 12 Nov 2012 10:56:57 +0800

I am less than a month shy from my twenty second birthday and some friends and I already planned what to do that day which is to go to Hidalgo, Quiapo to get my two cameras fixed and have a little adventure. That is the easy part.

Since I turned 21 last year, things have been different. The pressure of “growing-up” seem to be more and more real. Where does this pressure come from? I really don’t know. My parents don’t really force me into anything. They let me go wherever I feel most comfortable and most happy. Maybe the pressure lies on the search for that place/profession/(future) person where I will be most comfortable and happy. Or the merit of happiness and comfort.

There are days when I feel like life is going to waste, days that I feel like I ought to put my energies on more important things. But I have no definite idea on what the most important things are. I have my passions and desires but I don’t know which of them I should pursue and which of them I have to tame.

C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity: If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.

I pray that I would be able to discern which desires are to be acted upon here and which are reserved for Heaven. Not a passive life nor an overly passionate one but a life that is well lived in His will and that I will have a clear sense of things that are primary and those that are secondary.

Sometimes I am petrified by the possibilities. I am afraid of the future. I am afraid to make mistakes and be in the wrong place for a long time. I am scared that what I am doing now is not really for me. Sometimes, my idealism blinds me.

Growing-up is so much more about listening to the Lord’s still small voice and trusting His daily direction. I thought for a long time that graduating from university and being of a certain age are passports to doing whatever I want but at this time, I find myself wanting to be right with God more than anything else so I can be right with my family, with my friends, and with the world. It doesn’t sound like a grand plan but I must know which is primary and which is secondary.